Writing for a Living
I am in college. I have needs that my meager allowance from my conservative and strict parents just won’t cover. BUT! I have found a way to exploit my talent for BS.
This being my first post, I think it is more than appropriate to write about what I write about*. Basically I just write really boring, droll, mindless, vapid, senseless, vacuous SEO articles for a few bucks a piece to fund my incessant need of Wendy’s Baconators, cigarettes, coffee, sprouting alcoholism, gym fees, rent and basically everything else my parents don’t pay for.
It’s a “fun” and thankless job, especially if you’re writing for other people (which I’m only doing until I get my act together), but it is pretty easy. So easy in fact, that most lazy slobs like me can start at any point in their life and make a quick hundred in a week.
You need the following:
a Compooper exempli gratia a dino desktop PC like I’m using, a snooty ol’ Mac, or anything you can use to bang your fingers on and connect to the interweb (see Fig. 1 for a terribly rendered picture of a computer)
- a will to make money out of the first little scraggly pieces of BS you can come up with id est finding ways to write 5-10 unique and different articles on the topic of Vacuum Cleaners
- a source of income id est an endless pool or network you can milk for their money id est people who don’t have enough time to write, much much much lazier people with cash to burn, people who have found ways to exploit your talents at a cheaper fee id id est est est the evil Overlord(s) of online marketing
- “free” time that is actually time you should be spending on working on your…
- homework sitting in the corner
- a natural inclination to procrastinate that makes you forget to pay the…
- overdue rent looming over your head
- a desire to be labeled a sell-out for turning your pure, innocent, passion and giving up writing about what you really want to write about to write about things you don’t want to write about but need to write about because you need the cash. Filthy word whore.
That said, it will be easy for anyone to start a career as a word whore writer online by visiting sites like my profile on oDesk, sologig, freshlybranded… blah blah blah where you will find TONS of writing opportunities for a lot less than minimum wage but just about enough to make it worth the time you spent shitting out articles that will never be read by anyone else anyway.
However, I have chanced upon a few jobs I really like, and I’m pretty happy about getting paid for doing what I like doing. If you’re lucky, you might be able to find a few gigs you’re actually good at. Just recently I found out I’m pretty good a t building backlinks id est getting paid to comment, write, e-mail and strategically place links for people who need to build traffic. I’m only starting, but I think its turning out pretty well for me.
Now that I have warmed my hands up enough to actually start working on those very boring articles for today, I have to go make myself some breakfast.*saw what I did there? **I won’t ask for forgiveness for my excessive use of i.e. and e.g. ***learn how to be obnoxious by using i.e. and e.g. here